Holidays Can Be Hard.

23 Dec Holidays Can Be Hard.

Holidays are difficult for many people; there are the people that feel forced to celebrate with family and communities even if they don’t feel they belong and would welcome some alone time. There are the ones that feel alienated and alone and would welcome a genuine connection. It the middle, there are the ones who are having an OK time and the few that are having a grand old time. The pressures around us are very high, about having fabulous plans and having fun, but we may feel out of sync. It would be statistically impossible always to have a great time at the holidays. And yet, we often expect just that. We talk a great deal about mindfulness and just “being,” but when the holidays come, it would seem that it’s not OK and almost shameful to just “be.”

Some experience the holidays as an imposition and a disruption of their routine. If the holidays disrupt your routine and make you feel uncentered, take time to create a solid schedule for the holidays, which gives you some structure. If you fear the break of your routine could derail your functioning or your post-holiday productivity, take the time to troubleshoot about it ahead of time. Also keep in mind that it’s not necessarily a bad thing to have your routine occasionally disputed and challenged: it gives you an opportunity to practice in a predictable and safe way how to bounce back and troubleshoot.

I think it helps to keep in mind that behind the cheerful music and the colorful decorations, there may be a lot of discontent around you; you are not alone if you feel dissonant with the holiday spirit. Let’s all ease the pressure and cut the holiday spirit down a notch. It’s OK to have a quiet time for the holidays and just “be.”

Maybe the holidays bring up sad memories when, as a child, you could not escape a family nightmare. Or maybe they bring to mind the loved ones that passed or left you. The holidays may make you feel more broke and broken than you usually feel.

It’s OK to have some sadness.

If you feel bad because year after year you find yourself alone for the holidays and you crave to be part of a community and/or have a partner, then why not to take this holiday as a jump start for self-exploration and development: how may you be contributing to your plight?

But today, as a salve for your heart, if calls to loved ones are not a possibility or not enough to fill up your heart, I would recommend a few practices to generate love and self-care and some of the better forms of distraction. Try to be around people who are joining for a purpose; for instance, join a class, and if you can, try a guided meditation about love and self-love, such as loving-kindness or tonglen. You can easily google them or practice them at a meditation center near you. Breathe with your warm hand over your heart, and feel your presence. Use the unstructured time to volunteer and bring care to people and animals close to you that may need your help: make that call to your local organization. That will warm your heart and link you up with a larger community. Love is a state of body/mind that you can actually cultivate. You have more power to generate love than you may think.